he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
