why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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