i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
