ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
