Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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