Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
