i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize