did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
