when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
