I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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