I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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