she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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