Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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