I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
