when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
