I think I died a long time ago.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
