they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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