i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
