Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
