had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
