RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
