I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
