I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
