Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
