i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Can I color on your dick again?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
