Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
operation harelip BJ is a go
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
