I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
