my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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