Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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