We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
