I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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