i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
