I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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