Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize