I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
