You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
