I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
