I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Are we still banned from the library?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
