I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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