i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
