nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
