So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
