dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
