We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize