i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
