What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
