i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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