Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
