I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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