Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
