I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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