I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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