I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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