Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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