No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
