just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i am craving dick and cupcakes
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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