Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
