Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
