Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
