Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize