This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my sisters under your porch take her home
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize