Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
