Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize