Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
