doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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