i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
