I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
