You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
