Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
This is classic penis vs brain.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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