Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
