mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Randomize