and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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