I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
