Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
