I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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