I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
