I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
