Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize