he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
