final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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