you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Randomize
