so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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