I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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