we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
