We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize