She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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