Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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