isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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