you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I love having hate sex.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
