did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Randomize
