i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
