I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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