I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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