go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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