I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
