He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
