Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize