that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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