Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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