So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i think i have herpe
just one?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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