Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize